AnnaLynne McCord is perfect to start my hungover Friday with, because before being a married miserable old fuck, I used to get pussy, and often times that pussy was girls I was too drunk to really realize just how ugly they were, and often times I’d be with friends, who I’d consult with before taking them back to my single, sheetless mattress in the corner of my friend’s bedroom I used to live on, and most of the times, they’d hype her up and tell me she was good to go and that if I backed out now, I was faggot. So I’d go home, I’d do whatever it is I’d do to them, and I’d wake up only to realize that all that hype was fucking lies, and that my friends weren’t really friends at all…they just wanted me to go home with the girl with one-eye, or the girl with a patch of green fungus on her cheek and a variety of other seriously disgusting shit I would have hated myself for, if I didn’t hate myself already and think the whole thing was funny.

What I am trying to say is, this bitch is all hype, there’s nothing about her that warrants me or anyone else talking about her, sure she’s skinny and has a big Julia Roberts mouth you can shove your fist in while fucking her up the ass, but everything else about her fuckin’ sucks, especially the fact that she thinks she’s fucking famous. I hate her….

Pics via Bauer

This is fucking ridiculous….it is an obvious joke, even one of the dykes is laughing the entire time and shit is all over 700 dollars…dude was hired off Craigslist to donate sperm and poor dude got involved with some gutter women who can’t even pronounce “Insemination”, while he’s just some video gamer who likes jerking off….serious fucking lie…this is what America Television has come to.

Here’s part two….take it in while you can…

GQ has done good and recruited a bunch of attention seeking models, got them half naked and taken some pictures of them. It’s like give a bitch money and pretend it’s not for the sake of guys jerking off to them, even though she knows it is, but just doesn’t want it labeled that way, she’ll do fuckin’ anything,

The greatest news of the week was that Lohan will go back to cock when Sam Ronson dies, because until Ronson dies, Lohan is committed to her….she seems to think they are like soulmates who have been united in past lives and are meant to be, and together they have faced adversity, conflict and challenges, but their love carried on and was stronger than anything they had thrown at them. They were Romeo and Juliette, Leo and Kate in Titanic, J.Lo and Diddy, Bill and Claire Huxtable, Stan and Dorothy on Golden Girls, and all the other great love stories of world history….or maybe they are just drugged out idiots who think they are more important than they are…and try to find purpose in their useless privileged lives or maybe I’m just jealous cuz I haven’t a love like this, that would turn me homo it was so strong, like an entity of it’s own, or maybe I just don’t like Lohan giving ignoring the love I have for her….in a “If I can’t have her, no one can” stalker kind of way, but that whole Lohan Stalkin’ thing I did a few years ago was just a stunt to get on Access Hollywood that didn’t work,I just really like lookin’ at her tits, that she constantly forgets to bring out….I’d call her a cocktease, but the fact she fucks Ronson, kinda proves she’s definitely not one of those….Ronson naked has the ability to turn any man faggot and apparently one girl dyke…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

There is a really creepy guy who has been visiting the site and leaving some of the craziest, funniest, most disgusting comments since I started the site named HornyLohanWanker. He has been a consistent part of what I do here as he always leaves his shit stain of a comment on my shit stain of a post like to faggots sharing a pair of underwear. He is scary and I have wanted to report him to the FBI often but then I’d have no one leaving comments.

He has a smoking fetish that he talks about a lot, that involves red lipstick on cigarettes, he doesn’t care who the pussy is or what the pussy is wearing he just cares about the lipstick, so here’s some bitch from Entourage doin’ the HornyLohanWanker….

Hayden Panettiere is clearly the worst circus freak around. Most midgets know their place in the world and get up in the Carni life, where they learn to either be shot out of cannons, or feed the lions, or if they are lucky they become the ringmaster and run the whole fucking show, but instead of embracing that life, she lived the spoiled brat who needs her Hollywood actor mom to hook her up with gigs cuz she felt sorry for making such a fucked up kid with her coke-up uterus….and the whole thing is far more boring that seeing her spit fire, eat swords or do anything of any real substance or talent….here are the pics.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Chaz Bono must be a real charming fucking person, because not only is he not really a he, but a fucking weirdo who decided he was meant to be a he so he’s taken it upon himself to choose his fucking gender and in doing so, he’s sewed up his pussy and taken hormones to grow out his clit like it was his bangs and have a little 2 inch cock like me, but he’s also 300 fucking pounds and no one likes fucking a 300 pound person, yet he’s still got a pussy on his arm and by his side. He must be a real fucking joy to be around and even inspirational, or a fucking brainwasher, because guys that look like this generally don’t get girls, even if those girls are freaks who get off to gender changing freaks….I think it’s safe to say, she’s just with him to get to Cher’s fortune.

Either way, who cares, it’s just funny that dude’s not even a real fucking dude and he gets more pussy than you do and you are a dude. I’ve told you before and I’m gonna tell you again, just kill yourself, end the suffering.

Pics via Fame

I love that Jennifer Lopez has decided to revive her ridiculous career. I never understood why she was so well-received in the late 90s in the first place, but everyone thought she was god’s gift to the entertainment industry, thanks to all the marketing she had behind her and the fact that you are all a bunch of fucking drones who buy into the bullshit, but I do understand that watching her try to make a comeback is fucking hysterical as her booty you once jerked off to has turned boxy and flat like the useless mom she was always meant to be….

I love watching old ladies trying to hold onto their youth and the good times they once had…it’s half the tits I get flashed at me at bars I go to cuz old bitches are so wild…..

What a fucking joke….I need the video of this….actually I don’t…It will just piss me off…I’ll just stick to the pics…

Pics via Fame

More people need to die in Kate Moss’ life, because she actually decided to shower, put herself together and look worth licking her thigh up and down before burying myself in her thick model bush I’ve grown to love and fantasize about cumming all over….and all this for a fucking funeral….unfortunately for Kate Moss, the next funeral she may be attending is her own, thanks to the probable HIV from dirty rocker dick and the serious drug use, not that that’d stop me, she’s just so good that I’d still sneak in the morgue to have my way with her before it’s really too late…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Whenever I see Seth Green with his Fiance, I laugh at the fact that this red haired troll of a human can get fucking pussy. Partially because it was not that long ago that when people had little midget red-headed babies, they assumed they were sent from fucking the devil so they would leave them in the woods to fend for themselves, I saw Willow, I know how shit went down….but also because I know she’s not with him cuz she’s turned on by him or because she’s a Buffy or Austin Powers even because he’s so funny or cool, cuz she could just be friends with him if that was the case, and I’m sure he’s desperate for friends, thanks to being really fucking annoying…she’s with him cuz she has convinced herself that it will bring her the good life, give her exposure and it’s amazing that you can’t get laid, but this fucker can. Good times…

Pics via PacificCoastNews